Wait, do what now?
Fiance: "Do you want me to hold that?"
Me: "Hold what?"
Fiance: "What you’re working on. I’ll hold that if you want"
Me: "You want to hold my laptop?"
Fiance: "If you want me to"
Me: "I think I’m ok to hold it"
And she’s fast asleep again.
Wife wakes up in a panic and covers her head with her pillow, yelling.
Wife: "No, no, no, no! I don’t want to play! Seriously I’m not playing this game!"
Me: "what game do you think we are playing?"
Wife: "Well, I guess I can play for a little"
Me: "What are we playing?"
Wife: "The game with the cup. Where we have to put the guy in the cup. I don’t know. Right?"
Me: "What cup? What guy? I don’t see that here."
Wife: "I don’t know. The guy that we flip."
Girlfriend: Is stuff alive over there?
Girlfriend: *Leans over to look on my side of the bed* I just picked this up over there and it was alive. And then… I shut it….and put it over there.
Me: You did?
Girlfriend: Yes. And it had a baby. A bad baby. But, you know, not a real one.
Fiance: "huh? But it’s free"
Me: "What’s free?"
Fiance: "The thing on my phone. It’s, where. You know."
Me: "What is it?"
Fiance: "It’s for the phone. The sound of wild horses, free, for iPhones."
Me: "I like free"
Fiance: *concerned mumbles*
Fiance: *concerned mumbles, lots of pointing with a crooked finger*
Me: "I still don’t get it"
Fiance: "Ok, re-re, look there is someone over there"
Me: "No, there isn’t. That’s a dresser."
Fiance: "Yes there is. There’s someone over there. Go look. Go. Do you want me to go?"
Me: "Hell no, you’ll die"
Fiance: "Should we blow him up?"
Me: "Yes. Absolutely."
Fiance: "wait, is that one more?"
Me: "It’s always one more"
Fiance: "ugh I’m always one behind. It makes me crazy"
Me: "You’re crazy already."
Fiance: "I know it makes me crazy. I can’t catch up"
Me: "Try running"
Fiance: "I can’t its always one more"
Fiance: "I don’t have it"
Me: "Don’t have what?"
Fiance: "The, Oregon trail. I need it."
While playing "Thrift Shop" on Spotify…
Erin: "Is this my, uh, my theme list?"
Me: "Your what?"
Erin: "My theme list that I was working on"
Me: "I guess so."
Erin: "oh, ok"
Girlfriend wakes up, freaks out and pulls the sheets up to her eyeballs….
GF: "Holy dear God. That was scary. Did you see that? I didn’t like it"
Me: "I didn’t see it. What was it?"
GF: "It was a huge bumble bee. It was trying to eat me and spit me back out"
Me: "What was the bee trying to do?"
GF: "It was trying to eat me and spit me back out"
Me: "It was trying to eat you and spit you back out?"
Me: "What, why?"
GF: "Because it’s mean and it wants to *garbled* at me"
Me: "I think you need to find new friends for bumble bees"
GF: "Yea probably."
Fiance: *pointing at the ceiling VERY rapidly* "Holy shit!"
Fiance: *mumbling* "…and its all around the sinking. See it?"
Me: "Yea. I think it’s sinking toward you"
Fiance: "It’s sinking up there. It’s really bad. Do you see it?"
Me: "I see it. Why did it do that?"
Fiance: *mumbling again and then back asleep*