Settle in, grab a drink. This is a lengthy post.
Several weeks ago I made a decision to remove myself from Facebook. I toyed with the idea of deleting my account entirely but I hesitated. I then decided that such a hesitation is probably my gut telling me something so I decided to deactivate instead. I’m glad I listened to my gut for once before it was too late. After some serious introspection and a few conversations with some friends I have decided to activate my account with a few stipulations.
First, if you are reading this here instead of on Facebook then it’s because I felt no need to keep you as a friend. Here’s my beef with you. We were once friends, colleagues, classmates or acquaintenances through some avenue or another. One of us friended the other and the facebook friendship immediately stagnated. What I have to say in the rest of this post will probably piss some people off. Here’s the thing: build a bridge and get over it. If we are real friends you can call me up and we can have a conversation about it, like friends would. If you find yourself pissed and have no desire to converse about the issue then perhaps you should just do us both a favor and click that “Unfriend” button.
A Tale of two shitties
Several years ago I befriended someone that I thought would be a long lifetime friend. This person, who shall remain anonymous, lived near me then moved several hours away then moved back. This person and I used to be very close. As often happens that person and I grew apart and the friendship started to fade. I reached out a couple times to try and get together but I was met with hesitation and excuses. At first I thought it was just the person being busy and decided to try again but much to my dismay, more excuses. A short while after I received a letter from them saying that they were severely upset that we had grown apart and to some extent they were mad at me for not trying to be friends. Obviously this person was either recovering from amnesia or they are just a bad friend. This is also referred to as drama. Yes, people, drama. The subject that TNT is known for is also the subject that some people are known for. I decided that I didn’t have time for this kind of drama in my life and cut ties with this previous friend of mine.
Recently I have found myself stuck between two decisions. Do I act shitty and call people out on their drama in an interest to not only save a friendship/potential friendship or do I just drop the person cold turkey and forever ignore their facebook requests until we find something that would make us friends? Either choice can be seen as “shitty” when taken in the wrong context. So this brings me to the real meat of this post. I’m done being candid about posts people make. If you post something from “someecards” that you think is hilarious but ironically it is directly talking about you, I will probably point it out. If I find that you are bitching about not having money but then you turn around and buy useless crap you don’t need, I’m going to call you out on it. I’m not going to do this things with the intention of being an asshole, my intention is to help you as a friend. Because that’s what friends do, they help each other through this crazy maze we call life. If we aren’t helping each other then what’s the point in being friends? To quote a rare source, Intervention, if you saw someone drowning what would you do? You would help them, right? I’m done standing on the shore watching people drown themselves as I take video and comment about it to other people. If we haven’t talked in years and it’s apparent that we are just Facebook friends because of history and history alone, I’m deleting you. It’s nothing personal, we’ve just grown apart and that’s OK. It happens. I truly cherish the times we had and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. But honestly I don’t have time to shuffle through pictures and posts from people that I don’t really talk to at all and in some situations barely even know.
You have 0 friends
Just because we interact twice a year at some social gathering doesn’t mean we need to be facebook friends. I’m perfectly fine having 50 friends on my list because I KNOW those people. I’ve spoken with them at least within the last year. If I haven’t, then I apologize and I will try to be a better friend. If you feel that I’m not living up to my end of the bargain then by all means, cut the ties. It doesn’t mean you want me dead, it just means you don’t need to sift through my posts while trying to find out what’s happening in your real friends lives. It happens to all of us at some point and that is seriously OK. Think about it in your own life. How many people on your friends list have you actually spoken to, face to face or on the phone, in the last year. How about the last two years? Five years? Ten? Are you “friends” with them because you REALLY want to stay in touch or just because you might someday need something from them? I hope for your own sake that you don’t have friends just to make it look like you’re popular because we are all adults here. The number of friends you have doesn’t impress anyone. If it does then someone is lying to you. And here’s the thing, if you DO ever need to contact someone about something that you might need some day, that’s what Facebook is for! Track them down, ask them a question or get their contact info and move on with life! And remember, after the favor/business is done with that person, if you have no interest in meeting with them for dinner on even a half-ass regular basis to find out what is going on in their lives then DON’T ADD THEM TO FACEBOOK. There is no point!
Winter is coming
Yea, it’s a bad reference for this, get over it. For those that have found yourself on the receiving end of an “Unfriend” button by me or anyone else and you think it was a wrong gesture, do something about it. Call that person or get in touch with them in some way. DO NOT ARGUE THE POINT ONLINE. Ask to meet in person because you would like to talk to them about the situation or simply say “I know I’m partly to blame for this and I would like to fix it”. TAKE CREDIT for your part of the problem. It takes two to tango, folks. Own up to your part, say you want to correct it and talk it out. If it feels like you are putting more into it than the other person then just step away and remember the good times. Life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows, sometimes you have to clean up technicolor shit and move on. BUT! If you find me being overly dramatic about something or going completely off the deep end, call me out on it. That’s why we are friends. Tell me I’m being stupid and then lets talk about how I can correct myself. Otherwise, what good are you really doing?