Wait, do what now?
Fiance: *concerned mumbles*
Fiance: *concerned mumbles, lots of pointing with a crooked finger*
Me: "I still don’t get it"
Fiance: "Ok, re-re, look there is someone over there"
Me: "No, there isn’t. That’s a dresser."
Fiance: "Yes there is. There’s someone over there. Go look. Go. Do you want me to go?"
Me: "Hell no, you’ll die"
Fiance: "Should we blow him up?"
Me: "Yes. Absolutely."
My girlfriend wakes up, looks at me, points then says…
Girlfriend: "I think she will mow the sunshine."
Me: "The sunsine needs mowing again?"
She was asleep again before she could respond.
My fiance wakes up, speaking absolute gibberish and pointing down: "jfksjio and under the bed"
Me: "What’s under the bed?"
Fiance: "They have a stove under there"
Me: "Who does?"
Fiance: "I don’t know but I know they have one and it’s like…one they pass around to each other"
Me: "How do you know?"
Fiance: "I don’t know, but I know they have it"
Me: "It’s those damned Keebler Elves again, isn’t it?"
Fiance: *Sound asleep*
Fiance: "Hey?!? Are you ok?!?"
Me: *confused* "yes"
Fiance: "Are you sure?! You said you were doomed!"
Me: "No, that was a cough."
Fiance: *starting to wake up* "wait….."
Fiance: *mumbling* "If I had a suit"
Me: "A what?"
Fiance: *pointing randomly at the ceiling* "I could get up there if I had a soup, er, shoot, suit. On the shelf"
Me: "An elf on the shelf?"
Fiance: "No, dummy, suit on shelf."
And she’s out again.
Girlfriend wakes up abruptly, looks around the room….
Girlfriend: "Ok, don’t think I’m crazy. Do this…" She covers her face with her hands, as if she is hiding, but allows a small crack between her hands so she can look through.
Me: "I have absolutely no idea what the hell you are doing"
Girlfriend: "It’s just weird. When that stuff was moving. You just have to see it"
At this point all I could do was laugh. I had absolutely no response.
Wife: "It’s better here. I like it here."
Wife: "Hey, do you need help? I need to clean."
Me: "Why do you need to clean?"
Wife: "I just thought to help you. I already asked, didn’t I?"
Girlfriend: "Hey, where’s Jillian?"
Me: "She’s on the roof"
Girlfriend: "Yea right. If she was she would poop so hard the ceiling would fall."
Girlfriend: "That will be it. Sticky paws."
Girlfriend: "That will be your detective name. Sticky paws."
Wife: *wigs out*
Me: "Are you ok?"
Wife: "I don’t know why you won’t just go trick or treating with me"
Me: "Wait, what?"
Wife: "This is why we can’t just talk about it because you won’t go"
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Wife: "We were supposed to go trick or treating but you are laughing at me and won’t go"