Fuzzy

Girlfriend: "Hey, where’s Jillian?"
Me: "She’s on the roof"
Girlfriend: "Yea right. If she was she would poop so hard the ceiling would fall."

Wife: "Oh…my….gosh. Don’t move over. There’s, this…"
And then she starts grabbing at invisible stuff on the bed and tosses it off to the side.
Me: "What are you doing? I was using those."
Wife: "There’s this huge thing of hair. And not just your hair, it’s mine too"

Fiance: "what?"
Me: "I didn’t say anything"
Fiance: *pointing at the wall* "ok, so you saw that"
Me: "saw what?"
Fiance: "ok, the cups were the stereo and your glasses were up there. It all makes sense"
Me: "No, no it doesn’t. You’re crazy."
Fiance: "no it was. It works."
Me: "Really?"
Fiance: *asleep again*

Fiance: "Did you see it?"
Me: "See what?"
Fiance: "That *mumble*. Its an ant up there on the ceiling."
Me: "There’s an ant on the ceiling?"
Fiance: "Yea, did you find him?"
Me: "No, he ran away"
Fiance: "yea.." *mumbles*
And sound asleep again.

Wife: "It’s pool"
Me: "What’s pool?"
Wife: "It’s *mumbles* a pool. But not not not. Um, not swimming pool"
Me: "Not a swimming pool?"
Wife: "No. Ok?"
Me: "Ok."

Fiance: "You can move the *mumble*"
Me: "Move the what?"
Fiance: "You can move the shelf if you want to"
Me: "Why would I move the shelf?"
Fiance: *disgruntled grumble*
Me: "Don’t growl at me, I was just going to move the shelf"
Fiance: *silence*

Wife: "Do you see that up there?"
Me: "See what?"
Wife: "That big green. It’s going to be, um, on the green there."
Me: "It’s green?"
Wife: "Yea. Big glob of snot and it’s gonna fall."
Me: "Snot?"
Wife: "I can’t even look anymore. Big snot. It’s gonna fall."

My fiance wakes up, speaking absolute gibberish and pointing down: "jfksjio and under the bed"
Me: "What’s under the bed?"
Fiance: "They have a stove under there"
Me: "Who does?"
Fiance: "I don’t know but I know they have one and it’s like…one they pass around to each other"
Me: "How do you know?"
Fiance: "I don’t know, but I know they have it"
Me: "It’s those damned Keebler Elves again, isn’t it?"
Fiance: *Sound asleep*

Wife: "Woa! That’s beautiful! Where did you get that?"
Me: "Get what?"
Wife: "That picture! Do you see it?"
Me: "I sure do."
Wife: "Do you have it? It’s over there, I can see it."
Me: "No I don’t think so."
Wife: "Oh. Ok."

Girlfriend: "Hows that look? The log cabin stuff?
Me: "what?"
Girlfriend: "The log cabin in the closet. I don’t know. It looks like its…*pause*"
Me: "like what?"
Girlfriend: "I don’t know. You don’t need to tell anyone about this"
Oh yes, yes I do.