Wait, do what now?
Fiance: "I hope you don’t mind. I moved the bed"
Me: "you did?" (The bed was not moved at all.)
Fiance: "yea. I used that thing where there is 4 instead of 3. And you tie it at the top."
Me: "It’s kind of cold in here"
Fiance: "Lay down and you’ll get warm, then you will be cold"
Me: "Is that how it works?"
Fiance: *asleep again*
Wife: *Freaks out and gets out of bed, walks to the bathroom*
Wife: "She’s trying to get in the bed!"
Me: "What are you doing?"
Wife: "I’m not buying those effing crayons"
Wife: "I’m not buying those damn crayons for her anymore"
Fiance: "I don’t have it"
Me: "Don’t have what?"
Fiance: "The, Oregon trail. I need it."
Fiance: *mumbling* "If I had a suit"
Me: "A what?"
Fiance: *pointing randomly at the ceiling* "I could get up there if I had a soup, er, shoot, suit. On the shelf"
Me: "An elf on the shelf?"
Fiance: "No, dummy, suit on shelf."
And she’s out again.
Wife: "Oh…my….gosh. Don’t move over. There’s, this…"
And then she starts grabbing at invisible stuff on the bed and tosses it off to the side.
Me: "What are you doing? I was using those."
Wife: "There’s this huge thing of hair. And not just your hair, it’s mine too"
Girlfriend wakes up abruptly, looks around the room….
Girlfriend: "Ok, don’t think I’m crazy. Do this…" She covers her face with her hands, as if she is hiding, but allows a small crack between her hands so she can look through.
Me: "I have absolutely no idea what the hell you are doing"
Girlfriend: "It’s just weird. When that stuff was moving. You just have to see it"
At this point all I could do was laugh. I had absolutely no response.
Fiance: "You can move the *mumble*"
Me: "Move the what?"
Fiance: "You can move the shelf if you want to"
Me: "Why would I move the shelf?"
Fiance: *disgruntled grumble*
Me: "Don’t growl at me, I was just going to move the shelf"
My fiance wakes up, speaking absolute gibberish and pointing down: "jfksjio and under the bed"
Me: "What’s under the bed?"
Fiance: "They have a stove under there"
Me: "Who does?"
Fiance: "I don’t know but I know they have one and it’s like…one they pass around to each other"
Me: "How do you know?"
Fiance: "I don’t know, but I know they have it"
Me: "It’s those damned Keebler Elves again, isn’t it?"
Fiance: *Sound asleep*
Wife wakes up in a panic and covers her head with her pillow, yelling.
Wife: "No, no, no, no! I don’t want to play! Seriously I’m not playing this game!"
Me: "what game do you think we are playing?"
Wife: "Well, I guess I can play for a little"
Me: "What are we playing?"
Wife: "The game with the cup. Where we have to put the guy in the cup. I don’t know. Right?"
Me: "What cup? What guy? I don’t see that here."
Wife: "I don’t know. The guy that we flip."
Girlfriend: *puts her arm under her pillow, lifts it up and partially sits up* *mumbles something about a rose*
Me: "What are you doing?!?"
Girlfriend: "I’m not doing it"
Me: (I am slightly concerned at this point). "What are you not doing?"
Girlfriend: "Oh, you know"
Me: "No, I don’t"
Girlfriend: "you know, capsizing"
Girlfriend: "I gotta go. My ship is sinking and I need my last beaths of air".
Me: *blink* *confused*
Girlfriend: "It’s my Titanic"
I….have no idea. She snapped out of it when she heard me gasping for my own air from laughing so hard.