Wait, do what now?
Wife: "What’s this?" *Points at my arm* "It’s leaking"
Me: "My arm is leaking?"
Wife: "I like the tattoo."
Me: "I have a tattoo and it’s leaking?"
Wife: "Um. I, I think I’m not asleep"
Girlfriend: *awakens and looks surprised* "ooooh my!" *points at celing* "Do you see that?"
Me: "See what?"
Girlfriend: "That thing over there" (she is still pointing up). "It’s kind of cool. It’s blue. It looks like a blackberry smell"
Me: "A what?"
Girlfriend wakes up abruptly, looks around the room….
Girlfriend: "Ok, don’t think I’m crazy. Do this…" She covers her face with her hands, as if she is hiding, but allows a small crack between her hands so she can look through.
Me: "I have absolutely no idea what the hell you are doing"
Girlfriend: "It’s just weird. When that stuff was moving. You just have to see it"
At this point all I could do was laugh. I had absolutely no response.
Wife: "Hey. I moved over so you have more room in *mumbles*"
Me: "More room in what?"
Wife: "In the button area. You can have more room."
Me: "Why do I need more room?"
Wife: "I don’t know. But I thought you wanted more room for the buttons"
Wife: *mumbles franticly* "I don’t want to, don’t make me disappear!"
Me: "Why would I make you disappear?"
Wife: "I don’t know but no more. I don’t like it. Don’t make me disappear!"
Me: "Ok, I won’t make you disappear."
Wife: “Hey! What are you doing?!?” Me: “I’m reading and you’re having a nightmare” Wife: “No, I’m wide awake. Who is Jezma?” Me: “What?” Wife: “You just said you were Jezma” Me: “I did not” Wife: “Oh shit, I wish I recorded this. You thought you were Jezma and now you feel like a dumb dumb” Me: “Sure, let’s go with that”
Fiance: *mumbles quite a bit and points at her pillow* "Theres another million under there…" *mumbles*
Fiance: "Yea, under there. I’m not getting near there." *inches towards the foot of the bed*
Fiance: "It’s a million. all bees." *continues to inch towards the foot of the bed*
Me: "where are you going?"
Fiance: "Getting away. They can get off me." *falls asleep*
Wife: "What? MOM!?!"
Me: "She’s not here."
Wife: "Oh. I’m worried about the pony"
Me: "What pony?"
Wife: "The pony. Coming out of the cage."
Me: "When did you get a pony?"
Wife: "Oh…my….gosh. Don’t move over. There’s, this…"
And then she starts grabbing at invisible stuff on the bed and tosses it off to the side.
Me: "What are you doing? I was using those."
Wife: "There’s this huge thing of hair. And not just your hair, it’s mine too"
Girlfriend wakes up, freaks out and pulls the sheets up to her eyeballs….
GF: "Holy dear God. That was scary. Did you see that? I didn’t like it"
Me: "I didn’t see it. What was it?"
GF: "It was a huge bumble bee. It was trying to eat me and spit me back out"
Me: "What was the bee trying to do?"
GF: "It was trying to eat me and spit me back out"
Me: "It was trying to eat you and spit you back out?"
Me: "What, why?"
GF: "Because it’s mean and it wants to *garbled* at me"
Me: "I think you need to find new friends for bumble bees"
GF: "Yea probably."