Wait, do what now?
Girlfriend: *wakes up, speaking absolute gibberish, then plays around with her night guard*
Me: "What are you doing?"
Girlfriend: "I’m trying to figure out these ants"
Me: "What’s wrong with the ants?"
Girlfriend: "You just worry about your stuff over there"
Fiance: "Woa, woa, woa. What’s wrong with our ceiling?"
Me: *looks up*
Fiance: "It’s like, dripping down. Wait. Is it?"
Me: "I think I felt some ceiling drip on me"
Fiance: "That’s weird. It’s just weird"
Wife: "Oh…my….gosh. Don’t move over. There’s, this…"
And then she starts grabbing at invisible stuff on the bed and tosses it off to the side.
Me: "What are you doing? I was using those."
Wife: "There’s this huge thing of hair. And not just your hair, it’s mine too"
Girlfriend wakes up abruptly, looks around the room….
Girlfriend: "Ok, don’t think I’m crazy. Do this…" She covers her face with her hands, as if she is hiding, but allows a small crack between her hands so she can look through.
Me: "I have absolutely no idea what the hell you are doing"
Girlfriend: "It’s just weird. When that stuff was moving. You just have to see it"
At this point all I could do was laugh. I had absolutely no response.
Wife: "Do you see that up there?"
Me: "See what?"
Wife: "That big green. It’s going to be, um, on the green there."
Me: "It’s green?"
Wife: "Yea. Big glob of snot and it’s gonna fall."
Wife: "I can’t even look anymore. Big snot. It’s gonna fall."
Girlfriend: *Tosses and turns rapidly* "Mom!"
Me: "It’s just me. You’re ok, nothing is trying to get you"
GF: "What was that noise?"
Me: "I just sniffled a second ago. I’m still sick"
GF: "What does that represent? I mean, represent"
Me: "I have no idea. What do you think it represents?"
And then no reply. She had already fallen back asleep.
Fiance: *mumbling* "If I had a suit"
Me: "A what?"
Fiance: *pointing randomly at the ceiling* "I could get up there if I had a soup, er, shoot, suit. On the shelf"
Me: "An elf on the shelf?"
Fiance: "No, dummy, suit on shelf."
And she’s out again.
Fiance: "You can move the *mumble*"
Me: "Move the what?"
Fiance: "You can move the shelf if you want to"
Me: "Why would I move the shelf?"
Fiance: *disgruntled grumble*
Me: "Don’t growl at me, I was just going to move the shelf"
Fiance: *concerned mumbles*
Fiance: *concerned mumbles, lots of pointing with a crooked finger*
Me: "I still don’t get it"
Fiance: "Ok, re-re, look there is someone over there"
Me: "No, there isn’t. That’s a dresser."
Fiance: "Yes there is. There’s someone over there. Go look. Go. Do you want me to go?"
Me: "Hell no, you’ll die"
Fiance: "Should we blow him up?"
Me: "Yes. Absolutely."
Fiance: "Did you see it?"
Me: "See what?"
Fiance: "That *mumble*. Its an ant up there on the ceiling."
Me: "There’s an ant on the ceiling?"
Fiance: "Yea, did you find him?"
Me: "No, he ran away"
Fiance: "yea.." *mumbles*
And sound asleep again.